My Dear Past Moments
by thoughts.of.the.anonymous
Summary: "How, how can you cope with it?" "With my only true love dying and knowing that he died because of you? That's the funny thing, you can't. You just, live." Felix dies, and Gwen blames herself for not saving him sooner. [Felix/OC] ANGSTY!AU ONE-SHOT


**Full Summary:**** "How, how can you cope with it?" "With my only true love dying and knowing that he died because of you? That's the funny thing, you can't. You just, live." Felix dies, and Gwen blames herself for not saving him sooner. [Felix/OC] ANGSTY!AU**

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><p><em>[00 years, 00 months, 00 weeks, 00 days, 00 hours, 08 minutes and 23 seconds.]<em>

Dead. How can he possibly dead? He, he was just here not so long ago. I was just in his arms. I, I, I still have to tell him what I feel. He, he's not dead. He just isn't.

I sob into his clean shirt. Clean. Everything was clean. So how can he be dead? It still smells like the Neverland forest and smoke. It brings my heart into tears.

Heart. Pan. Crushed.

He did this. That fucking man-boy did this. He, he just had to cast the curse. He, he just had to rip everything away from me. That, that fucking dick! That bastard!

He stole him away from me. He, he took his heart without even a tear of respect, and, and just crushed it. How can someone do something like this?

Mary Maragret has finally managed to me pull me away. I sob into her. I still think of her as my mom. And she's plays the part perfectly. Rubbing my back, making soothes circles and noises. Telling me sweet nothing's.

But there lies. All of them. But, I can live with the lies today. Just for today.

;;;

_[00 years, 00 months, 00 weeks, 06 days, 5 hours, 46 minutes and 09 seconds.]_

"No! Felix! Felix, FELIX!"

"Gwen! Gwen wake up!" I wake up to shouts and cries and Mary Margaret's voice. Another nightmare. I woke up the baby again.

David holds my hand as she checks on Neil.

I tell him I'm going to live with Emma. Until, until I get better. But the thing is, I don't think I'll ever get better.

;;;

_[00 years, 01 month, 2 weeks, 3 days, 20 hours, 02 minutes and 27 seconds.]_

"Gwen! Breakfast." Emma called from the kitchen. It was a lovely quaint house. A great find that Henry sought. And Gwen's happy it's not too far away from Mary Maragaret. Or Neil.

Neil. He's the thing I focus on now.

Whenever he needs a diaper change, I'm there with baby powder. To be put down for a nap, I smile softly with open arms. Feed, covered. Clothed, fashionable and adorable. He's all I think about now, and everyone notices it.

They don't say a word. They know I'll get worse do they do.

"Can I go over to-"

"Sure. After breakfast though." Emma replies automatically.

;;;

_[00 years, 4 months, 1 week, 1 day, 7 hours, 52 minutes and 19 seconds.]_

He won't get out of my head. He just can't.

I know I'm not supposed to recover and move on soon, but I wish I would. I need to. I want to.

I wanna get better, but he's always there.

Everywhere I look, I see his face. At Granny's, Emma's place, Gold's Shop and, hell, even at Regina's mansion.

I can see us eating large burgers at the dinner his face trying it for the first time. His grey eyes lighting up at the taste.

I can see us laughing and talking at Emma's to annoy Henry. We would secretly make out in the broom closet.

I see us at Gold's shop to help Belle out with moving things and returning them. Felix would still be on parole, and I'll watch him. And we would shoot each other smirks behind Belle's back.

And at Madame Mayor's house of all places, I can still see us. We would bug her till no end and steal food.

But then, after all that, I'm slammed in the face harshly by reality. Reality check, none of that will ever happen.

And I break down and do it all over again.

;;;

_[00 years, 11 months, 3 weeks, 6 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 39 seconds.]_

It's almost time. Time for the one year anniversary death of the boy with feathers in his hair. The boy with hair as bright as light, with eyes grey as fog, and a heart with a lock and key. A key which I only hold.

And, surprisingly, the aching pain I usually feel is duller. And, and I kind if like it.

It means things are gonna get better.

I check my phone.

"Happy One Year Anniversary Felix." I choke out. The pain is back.

Or maybe not.

;;;

_[03 years, 06 months, 01 week, 05 days, 14 hours, 47 minutes and 02 seconds.]_

Neil is three. Henry is going on his first date with Grace. Emma and Hook announced that they're engaged.

Everyone's happy. Except me.

"Hello there." I turn to a handsome man standing before me. He looks about twenty, maybe twenty-one. He smiles naturally at me and I can't help but smile back. It's forced though.

"Hey yourself."

"I'm afraid I haven't meet your acquaintance yet. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Sean, Sean Taylor and you are?" The man smiled wider, his teeth blinding me. I don't like it one bit. Just who doe she think he is?

"Please. Like that's the truth. Next time when you try to woo a woman, try something more original." I sneered. I got up and stomped out of Granny's.

His face being the only thing that I see. Because it was the only one that mattered.

;;;

_04 years, 09 months, 03 weeks, 02 days, 45 minutes and 51 seconds. _

"It's going to be alright Gwen. You'll make it through. Just, just breathe. Breathe with me." Snow ordered frantically. Stupid car. It just had to hydroplane into a damn tree. Just my luck.

I always had the worse. Fleix would tell me that.

I choked on air, gasping for words. "Sn-snow. T-tell... the t-tw-erps I, I... love them." She cried and nodded her head profusely. She held my hand tight into hers.

It was still raining. But, I see a parting. Something comes down.

My breath hitches. It's him. It's him!

"Felix!" I breathed. He chuckles as I tried to touch him with my hand. He wrapped his warm, calloused hand around mine. He brought it to his lips and I roll my eyes at his cheesiness.

"Hang in there Gwen. You'll be okay." He cooed. I felt a tear fall down my face.

"But, but I... I want to be with you." He nodded grimly and leaned down. He placed a soft, ghostly kiss on my forehead.

"Soon. Now come on Goldilocks. It's toke for you to be brave again. You haven't gone prissy on me now have you?" He teased. I smiled warmly at the memory of our meeting.

"I'll, I'll miss you Little Bear."

And it went black. His smile being the mast thing I see.

;;;

_[10 years, 5 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 17 hours, 17 minutes and 36 seconds.]_

"Princess, we're losing her. I'm not sure if we can save her again. I, I think you should say your goodbyes now." Dr. Whale said somberly. Everyone was crying, including little Neil.

They walked in to Gwen's room. She laid peacefully. Even at twenty-six, she looks not a day older than sixteen.

One by one, they said their goodbyes. Little Neil kissing her cheek. Emma squeezing her hand. Henry placing a note in her palm. David kissing her forehead, as well as Mary Margaret. Hook and everyone else nodding in respect.

And, the monitor stops beating. It goes flat.

;;;

I'm standing somewhere. Somewhere bright. I cover my eyes.

"Hey there Goldi." I nearly cried from where I stood. I knew that voice. I would know it from anywhere. But that meant...

"Felix, am I dead?" I whispered. I opened my eyes to see him standing in front of me. He chuckled lightly. He cupped my face in his and I can't help but notice how much I missed it. Missed him. He places a light kiss on my forehead bad brings me into his chest.

"Yeah. Yeah we are Goldi." I pulled back slightly, looking into his grey eyes with my green ones.

"Does that mean...?"

"We have a long time together now. Am I'm smelling fear Miss Stoll?" He taunted lightly. I smiled so bright because I miss his humor.

"No. I'm never afraid with you." He smirks.

"Good. Now come on, we got some people to meet."

And he took me by my hand, my perfectly fitting his, and we walked away into our forever.

;;;

FIN

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><p><strong>It seems as though whenver I write an OUaT fic, it alway seems a bit, sad... Oh well! As long as it pleased your needs for fan-fic and Felix! :)<strong>

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